Professional Shakespearean Wrestling
I watched “The Merchant of Venice” on DVD last night. I always watch the Bonus Features and I watched most of the movie again including the director’s comments. It is a most remarkable film that captures the genius of Shakespeare and his ability to appeal to the masses on multiple levels.
Clicking off the DVD, the television set then defaulted back to a channel featuring professional wrestling. I do not watch professional wrestling or any other professional sports however the bout I was watching was very compelling, featuring as it did a team of blonde females in faux combat against another team of raven haired females. And it struck me then that far from being a “fake sport”, it is rather the most honest of all professional sports.
Professional wrestling has no illusions or pretensions about what it is. Everyone knows and accepts that it is fake. But fake is the wrong word. I would suggest that it is theatre, carefully rehearsed, with serial plots and themes, villains and heroes couched in sex, violence, triumph, comedy and tragedy and carefully packaged and promoted for the enjoyment of the mob.
Whereas other so called professional sports have none of this drama. They are businesses masquerading as sports but whose “stars” have no acting skills, are not paragons of beauty, their attire is a dull uniform and they speak no dialogue. There are no villains or heroes. They are anonymous schmucks with boring names who night after night do nothing but kick or hit a ball for nothing but another notch in the win column in a pointless 80 game schedule.
As dull as professional sports are and as compelling as professional wrestling is, I would not pay to see either nor even waste my time were my admission free.
But…..what if we added Shakespearean theatre to professional wrestling? Now that I would pay to see.
Setting: A square empty ring, surrounded by a cheering mob of thousands.
Enter Stage Right: A behemothic oiled combatant by name of McDeath in glittering costume striding boldly from corner to corner.
McDeath: Fans, Romans, Customers, lend me your ears; I come to bury The Kaiser, not to praise him. (Audience roars approval)
The evil that I am to do shall live on. Any good I have shall be interred with his bones. (Deafening roar ensues. Audience rises to their feet)
Enter Stage Right: A hulking, hairy, bearded beastlike combatant by name of “The Kaiser” in leather vest and spiked helmet. (Audiences boos and whistles disapproval)
The Kaiser: These words are razors to my wounded heart. Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war. (Audience roars disapproval as detritus rains down upon the ring)
The Kaiser rushes McDeath.
McDeath: Though this be madness, yet there is method in't
McDeath meets The Kaiser’s rush and fetches a blow to The Kaiser’s midriff doubling him up in apparent pain. McDeath paces around the incapacitated Kaiser.
McDeath: To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools . The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
McDeath prepares to level a heavy blow on the Kaiser who dodges the swing and catches McDeath with an open faced slap to the side of the head.
The Kaiser: …. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.
Seizing McDeath by the arm and shoulder, The Kaiser throws him against the ropes.
The Kaiser: For you and I are past our dancing days.
Bouncing back from the ropes, The Kaiser levels McDeath with an elbow to the head. McDeath goes down. The Kaiser drops on him.
The Kaiser: Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?
Referee: One….Two….
McDeath throws off The Kaiser leveling repeated blows to his head. Stunned, The Kaiser stumbles about the ring. (Audience roars, rises to their feet and begin chanting, “McDeath, McDeath” and “Off with his head.”)
McDeath: What a piece of work is man! (McDeath kicks the Kaiser) How noble in reason! (McDeath levels elbow to The Kaiser’s chin) How infinite in faculty! (McDeath head butts The Kaiser) In form and moving how express and admirable! (McDeath knees The Kaiser in the groin) In action how like an angel! (The Kaiser spits blood onto the canvas) In apprehension how like a god! (McDeath pulls out clumps of the Kaiser’s hair) The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals. (The Kaiser still standing is a bloody, sweaty hairy mess)
And with that, McDeath lands a vicious flying kick to The Kaiser’s sternum sending him to the canvas and jumps on him.
Referee: One….Two…..THREE! (Crowd explodes in cheers, throwing chairs, shoes and bottles into the ring)
McDeath: I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it
The Kaiser rising: How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes.
Referee: All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.
Exeunt
Now that’s entertainment!
Cheers and Good Mental Health
I watched “The Merchant of Venice” on DVD last night. I always watch the Bonus Features and I watched most of the movie again including the director’s comments. It is a most remarkable film that captures the genius of Shakespeare and his ability to appeal to the masses on multiple levels.
Clicking off the DVD, the television set then defaulted back to a channel featuring professional wrestling. I do not watch professional wrestling or any other professional sports however the bout I was watching was very compelling, featuring as it did a team of blonde females in faux combat against another team of raven haired females. And it struck me then that far from being a “fake sport”, it is rather the most honest of all professional sports.
Professional wrestling has no illusions or pretensions about what it is. Everyone knows and accepts that it is fake. But fake is the wrong word. I would suggest that it is theatre, carefully rehearsed, with serial plots and themes, villains and heroes couched in sex, violence, triumph, comedy and tragedy and carefully packaged and promoted for the enjoyment of the mob.
Whereas other so called professional sports have none of this drama. They are businesses masquerading as sports but whose “stars” have no acting skills, are not paragons of beauty, their attire is a dull uniform and they speak no dialogue. There are no villains or heroes. They are anonymous schmucks with boring names who night after night do nothing but kick or hit a ball for nothing but another notch in the win column in a pointless 80 game schedule.
As dull as professional sports are and as compelling as professional wrestling is, I would not pay to see either nor even waste my time were my admission free.
But…..what if we added Shakespearean theatre to professional wrestling? Now that I would pay to see.
Setting: A square empty ring, surrounded by a cheering mob of thousands.
Enter Stage Right: A behemothic oiled combatant by name of McDeath in glittering costume striding boldly from corner to corner.
McDeath: Fans, Romans, Customers, lend me your ears; I come to bury The Kaiser, not to praise him. (Audience roars approval)
The evil that I am to do shall live on. Any good I have shall be interred with his bones. (Deafening roar ensues. Audience rises to their feet)
Enter Stage Right: A hulking, hairy, bearded beastlike combatant by name of “The Kaiser” in leather vest and spiked helmet. (Audiences boos and whistles disapproval)
The Kaiser: These words are razors to my wounded heart. Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war. (Audience roars disapproval as detritus rains down upon the ring)
The Kaiser rushes McDeath.
McDeath: Though this be madness, yet there is method in't
McDeath meets The Kaiser’s rush and fetches a blow to The Kaiser’s midriff doubling him up in apparent pain. McDeath paces around the incapacitated Kaiser.
McDeath: To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools . The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!
McDeath prepares to level a heavy blow on the Kaiser who dodges the swing and catches McDeath with an open faced slap to the side of the head.
The Kaiser: …. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.
Seizing McDeath by the arm and shoulder, The Kaiser throws him against the ropes.
The Kaiser: For you and I are past our dancing days.
Bouncing back from the ropes, The Kaiser levels McDeath with an elbow to the head. McDeath goes down. The Kaiser drops on him.
The Kaiser: Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?
Referee: One….Two….
McDeath throws off The Kaiser leveling repeated blows to his head. Stunned, The Kaiser stumbles about the ring. (Audience roars, rises to their feet and begin chanting, “McDeath, McDeath” and “Off with his head.”)
McDeath: What a piece of work is man! (McDeath kicks the Kaiser) How noble in reason! (McDeath levels elbow to The Kaiser’s chin) How infinite in faculty! (McDeath head butts The Kaiser) In form and moving how express and admirable! (McDeath knees The Kaiser in the groin) In action how like an angel! (The Kaiser spits blood onto the canvas) In apprehension how like a god! (McDeath pulls out clumps of the Kaiser’s hair) The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals. (The Kaiser still standing is a bloody, sweaty hairy mess)
And with that, McDeath lands a vicious flying kick to The Kaiser’s sternum sending him to the canvas and jumps on him.
Referee: One….Two…..THREE! (Crowd explodes in cheers, throwing chairs, shoes and bottles into the ring)
McDeath: I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it
The Kaiser rising: How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes.
Referee: All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.
Exeunt
Now that’s entertainment!
Cheers and Good Mental Health
posted by The Commisioner and McKay | 7:02 AM
2 Comments:
what seest thou else in the dark backward and abysm of sport?- the tempest
I am rather partial to hemlock. And to Ultimate Fighting - a wonderful sport in the truest spirit of Sport as conceived by the Olympians of Yore. Blood. Pain. Victory. Honour.
Enjoy it now. For it will falter and descend into a writhing morass of decaying corruption.
And may I congratulate you on the slightly unconventional but highly appropriate use of "abysm"
Alas, but what of Lixos! (Greek spelling)
Alas, but what of Lixus! (Latin spelling)
And furthermore, today's security code word to be typed to approve this comment is "ipruca". A wonderful word that must live on.
Cheers and Good Mental Health
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