The Commisioner and McKay

Applied spontaneous discontemporality.

Name:
Location: Volterra, Toscana, Italy

What is this? The Gestapo? The Spanish Inquisition? And will someone PUH-LEEZE mute the Orchestra!

Monday, November 27, 2006

Stupid Dolphins – Stupid People

I do not think dolphins are smart. Some say that these fish are smarter than humans and that their language is extremely complex and highly evolved.

To this I say “Ptah”. Dolphins are dumb. Well, they are about as smart as a common poodle. Their language appears complex because it is nothing but random splutterings of air through an orifice. It is like saying that people communicate through their farting habits. And while this is a very expressive and vastly underutilized tool of communication, it has not developed the necessary means of control and convenient availability compared to our oral powers of communication.

Some say that people only utilize 10 % of their brains. Not true. Nearly all people use all their brains, just like dolphins. The ones that use only 10% of their brains are the ones that think dolphins are bloody genii.

Dolphins are cold blooded killers. Yet ten percenters believe that they can swim with them and have their spirits boosted via kinship and one-ness with the dolphin. This is actually true to an extent. The hungry dolphin will eat the spirit person becoming one with them.

This is not only good for the dolphin but also improves the human intellectual gene pool.

I am rather partial to dolphin with a honey-ipruca glaze. A 2003 Chianti completes the pairing.

Cheers and Good Mental Health

“ipruca”

I had to enter this randomly generated word today as part of the security process required of me to approve and respond to comments on my blog.

What a wonderful word it is. “i PRU ca” with either a long or short “I” and a hard “c”. Were the “c” a “k”, it would bear a more vulgar form and though pronounced the same would be more unpolished. Visiting words should appear gentle and serene and not appear as ruffians. Kind of like those Atlanteans that stormed by chambers a few weeks back. Good guys but a little uncouth.

But what of “ipruca”? This beautiful word, selected by God from the chaos of randomness to appear before me just now, mewing up at me with doe-like eyes like a lost kitten on a doorstep, hoping for a home, praying against the inevitable closing of the door or pressing of ENTER and condemnation to certain death.

So I SELECTED “ipruca” with my cursor and pasted it here, to nurse it a little and provide it a chance, perhaps, to live a while longer while I decide what to do with it. In the meantime, I have cleaned away its quotation marks and washed it of its little squiggly red line via ADD TO DICTIONARY.

Ipruca. There, that looks much better.

So what are we to do with you, Ipruca?

You must be granted a meaning of some kind. You must have a little piece of emotion attached to you with little hooks that will allow you to grow within the holographic immateriality of human interconnectivity.

I think you should represent a positive good thing. Like syrup from sweet dates that nourished near dead Sahelian travelers. Yes, Ipruca, I think that you should rank right up there with words like “mead” and “manna”. And from the noun, Ipruca, you would become a title, a name.

Desert kings would name their daughters after your sweetness. “Dearest Ipruca. Abide with me as we watch the sunset’s glow and tell me what would make you happy.

“Oh dearest Papa. I wish to marry a handsome prince and be his only wife so that I may bear many, many sons that will bear your name and his and bring great honour to your family.”

And so Ipruca married a handsome desert Prince and went on to rule a great empire. She was known for her beauty, generosity and kindliness to strangers. Just like her namesake fruit.

Alas, poor Ipruca died. Her people mourned her. They sacrificed thousands of goats in her name. They beat themselves bloody with tamarisk branches so deep was their grief for her. They cried to Heaven in the hopes that she would hear them and know their pain and loss.

Ipruca lived on in the names of the daughters of Kings and of peasants for thousands of years. Stories of her beauty and her generosity lived on through tales and stories. She became a Goddess.

And so it is that today, anything that is sweet and nourishing, that appears as if from nowhere is referred to as Iprucan.

“The sweet smell of spring blooms beckoned to us like Ipruca, after a long, hard winter.”

“The iprucan appearance of storm clouds cheered the farmer’s heart.”

“You may wish to plant Iprucan Olives. They do especially well in more arid climates.”

Well, Ipruca. I think you can stay.

Cheers and Good Mental Health

Monday, November 20, 2006

An Assisian Enlightenment

Since reading Eco’s enigmatically entitled “The Name of the Rose” many years ago, I developed an unexpected fascination with medieval arcanity. The early 1300’s were a time of uproar within the Christian Church, rent by division, lost Crusader kingdoms and political posturing between the Holy Roman Empire, the Pope and uncertainties in France during the 100 Years War.

Within the Western Church there were further frictions as Franciscan monks (followers of Saint Francis) were at philosophical odds with the Benedictine monks that followed, yes, Saint Benedict.

St. Francis of Assisi is known to us as an especially saintly saint who preached kindliness to all creatures – a medieval advocate of the SPCA. This position is particularly attractive to modern peoples who understand that cruelty to animals predisposes cruelty to people. Therefore, it is beneficial to one’s Soul to demonstrate kindliness and humanity towards God’s fellow creatures by St. Francis’ example.

St. Francis was known for his practice of poverty believing that Salvation lay in dedicating oneself to spiritual devotion. Avoiding accumulation of material wealth was seen as unfulfilling and harmful to spiritual growth seeing as how harmful material gain could be to abused serfs, hired hands and others particularly in a feudal society.

St. Francis finds solidarity with Janists, Buddhists, Brahmins and other high priests of various religions that also preach austerity as a means to enlightenment and to the Ascension of the Soul in this life or the next.

As it did with St. Francis’ followers of the day, so today do St. Francis’ teachings find traction with modern people who discover that wealth does not buy happiness and as people look to assuage their guilt for their consumerist tendancies’ damage to the environment or to social impacts their purchasing decisions may place on their fellow man on a far off continent.

In “The Name of the Rose”, the Franciscan, personified by the sagacious William of Baskerville, clearly inspired by William of Occam (he of the Razor) debates theocratic principles against his rivals, the Benedictines who held that the church should accumulate as much material wealth as possible, so better to honour God. By building magnificent edifices to God, wealthy merchants, soldiers and kings of the day assuaged their guilt for murder, enslavement and plunder and received forgiveness. Even impoverished peasants and serfs gave what little they could in order that they might be delivered from their misery in this life for a heavenly existence in the next. Indeed, has anything changed?

As I drove past the beautiful Lake Trasimene, the site of one of Hannibal’s greatest victories (farmers still plow up battle remains) I reflected on the proximity of an area of such profound peace being so close to an area of such profound slaughter. I imagined St. Francis’ Assisi to be a humble but proper cathedral, set in an Umbrian mountainside suitably quiet and serene to honour his legacy, beliefs and teachings. I imagined this humble cathedral perched on a rocky premonitory, populated by singing birds and surrounded by cooling green forest. “Yes, that would be very suitable”, I thought.

Driving past Trasimene and gaining altitude, I could see in the distance, plastered against a hillside, a bright brown splotch contrasting against a green mountain backdrop.

“I guess that’s Assisi”, I said as we drew nearer realizing that in these densely populated valleys of Umbria, it would not be unreasonable for there to be a town called Assisi since, after all, there would have been an Assisi in St. Francis’ time 800 years ago otherwise what would he be named after?

Driving the steep, congested switchback road up the mountainside, I passed many full parking lots as well as parking lots stuffed full with dozens of buses. This was a destination for the religious community that was not initially apparent to those of us of the secular world. “Religious tourism and religious tourists”, I thought. “Makes sense. See Rome and Assisi in Italy, overnight bus to Lourdes in the French Pyrenees, overnight bus to San Francisco de Campostello in northwest Spain all in one week. Arrive Rome. Depart Madrid and back to Montreal or New York or Mexico City or San Paolo.”

So now we realized that Assisi is actually a large place with thousands of religious tourists visiting every day with the odd history buff/guilt assuager like myself, thrown in. I scolded myself for being so naïve about my visit expectations. Continuing our drive, I could see many cathedral towers, all presumably dedicated to the Franciscan order. We could see nuns and priests in abundance but no impoverished monks. We could see impoverished beggars at cathedral gates appealing for alms to the pious entering and exiting the cathedrals in herds but still no impoverished monks.

Finally, we reached the top of the hillside and parked. We descended on foot down spotless, cobble stoned streets surmounted by stone buildings on either side with their typical green shutters and red geranium planters. These buildings were mostly comfortable private residences which later gave way to a myriad of small shops. Shops selling Umbrian specialty foods like strong pecorino cheeses, pungent sausages, preserved truffles and a plethora of local wines and spirits; others sold the usual T-shirts and post cards and guidebooks to Assisi; there were gelato stands and pizza restaurants, fine four star hotels and restaurants. All shops would devote some shelf space to religious paraphernalia like crosses, rosaries and bibles in deference to the tastes of the tourist community. There was even a shop selling fossilized fish, plants and seashells along with abundant statues and photographs of Benedict XVI and Jesus Christ whose outstretched arms seemed to bless and forgive those for the apparent heresy of purchasing items that defied the Theory of Creation.

In addition to images of Jesus and the Pope, there were images of cathedrals with “Assisi, Italia” written on them. But there were few, if any, images of St. Francis himself, unkempt in hair and beard in his humble, tattered and threadbare cloak.

Dodging through the heavy crowds of pilgrims through the narrow streets, I emerged into a square with a number of great cathedrals all proclaiming references to the Franciscan order. Entering one of these cathedrals, I sidestepped a number of pilgrims falling to their knees and crossing themselves, still to this day impressed by the rich, opulent, imposing and humiliating atmosphere produced by the somber and solemn liturgical architecture. Looking around, I could not see any reference to the remains of poor old St. Francis in this cathedral although there were many other dead saints who I apparently could adore should I wish to drop €0.50 in a nearby box.

Evidently St. Francis was not in this cathedral. But the thought of paying money to salve my soul in my wish to honour St. Francis’ poverty seemed heretical to me and a disservice to him. Perhaps the best way to honour his spirit would be not to spend another cent in this godless town and leave the place as speedily as possible. And that is what we did the €4 for parking notwithstanding but I’m sure even St. Francis has to pay someone to board his horse.

As I reflected upon the dazzling display of wealth concentrated in the cathedrals dedicated to St. Francis, the thousands of tourists buying iconic souvenirs, restaurant meals and luxury hotel rooms and the unrealistic newness and freshness of Assisi I recalled that the entire city had been destroyed by an earthquake in 1995. But so important a commercial enterprise was Assisi that it was completely rebuilt within 2 years. Many smaller villages in the outlying regions took 5 years or more to rebuild or were abandoned altogether.

Disillusioned and frustrated, I wondered if St. Francis had not appealed to God to destroy Assisi given what it had become and how it perverted his name and his teachings. How St. Francis must be gasping in horror at what has replaced his city in his name. How St. Benedict must be laughing and sneering on the sidelines.

And what of the ignorance of the masses, so blind in their faith that they cannot see the truth in what St. Francis preached and lived and of its relevance to the modern world.

The Truth is meant only for some of us to see.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

LVCROR NATVRA ANIMVS

"Profit is the essence of life”, is one of my favourite sayings. Oooooh, how this annoys my friends and acquaintances (of whom I have none) who say that I am cold and heartless. I have always danced with the flow and logic of profit as if it were any other physical material be it a stream of molecules like water or a stream of electrons like energy. People who have a problem with money are those that attach emotion to it. Emotion distorts their view, results in illogical decision. Money makes them crazy. They fight about it.

I have no more emotional attachment to money than I do to a mud puddle or an electric lamp. Money's glow, like light, depends upon when and how it is being observed.

Translating “Profit is the essence of life” to Latin, I have come up with “LVCROR NATVRA ANIMVS” though I must review it for appropriate stem endings et cetera.

Looking at the Latinized phrase, one can see how natural and organic appears. If one had a mild appreciation for Latin, one may translate it as “lucrative succor natures animals.” Or in other words, “nature's bounty sustains life”.

Rejoicing in new spring growth, little bunnies and fawns bouncing in the fields and little kids running about we see nature's bounty or profit reinvested into new, lifegiving growth that sustains our world and renews our spirit.

Profit is Raw Physics. Profit Renews Nature and Soul. Profit Equals God.

I shall maintain my resolute disinterested participation in money with renewed vigilance for economic phi. Hmmmmm, just what is that on the back of the US dollar bill?

LVCROR NATVRA ANIMVS

Cheers and Good Mental Health

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Professional Shakespearean Wrestling

I watched “The Merchant of Venice” on DVD last night. I always watch the Bonus Features and I watched most of the movie again including the director’s comments. It is a most remarkable film that captures the genius of Shakespeare and his ability to appeal to the masses on multiple levels.

Clicking off the DVD, the television set then defaulted back to a channel featuring professional wrestling. I do not watch professional wrestling or any other professional sports however the bout I was watching was very compelling, featuring as it did a team of blonde females in faux combat against another team of raven haired females. And it struck me then that far from being a “fake sport”, it is rather the most honest of all professional sports.

Professional wrestling has no illusions or pretensions about what it is. Everyone knows and accepts that it is fake. But fake is the wrong word. I would suggest that it is theatre, carefully rehearsed, with serial plots and themes, villains and heroes couched in sex, violence, triumph, comedy and tragedy and carefully packaged and promoted for the enjoyment of the mob.

Whereas other so called professional sports have none of this drama. They are businesses masquerading as sports but whose “stars” have no acting skills, are not paragons of beauty, their attire is a dull uniform and they speak no dialogue. There are no villains or heroes. They are anonymous schmucks with boring names who night after night do nothing but kick or hit a ball for nothing but another notch in the win column in a pointless 80 game schedule.

As dull as professional sports are and as compelling as professional wrestling is, I would not pay to see either nor even waste my time were my admission free.

But…..what if we added Shakespearean theatre to professional wrestling? Now that I would pay to see.

Setting: A square empty ring, surrounded by a cheering mob of thousands.

Enter Stage Right: A behemothic oiled combatant by name of McDeath in glittering costume striding boldly from corner to corner.

McDeath: Fans, Romans, Customers, lend me your ears; I come to bury The Kaiser, not to praise him. (Audience roars approval)

The evil that I am to do shall live on. Any good I have shall be interred with his bones. (Deafening roar ensues. Audience rises to their feet)

Enter Stage Right: A hulking, hairy, bearded beastlike combatant by name of “The Kaiser” in leather vest and spiked helmet. (Audiences boos and whistles disapproval)

The Kaiser: These words are razors to my wounded heart. Cry "Havoc," and let slip the dogs of war. (Audience roars disapproval as detritus rains down upon the ring)

The Kaiser rushes McDeath.

McDeath: Though this be madness, yet there is method in't

McDeath meets The Kaiser’s rush and fetches a blow to The Kaiser’s midriff doubling him up in apparent pain. McDeath paces around the incapacitated Kaiser.

McDeath: To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools . The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

McDeath prepares to level a heavy blow on the Kaiser who dodges the swing and catches McDeath with an open faced slap to the side of the head.

The Kaiser: …. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

Seizing McDeath by the arm and shoulder, The Kaiser throws him against the ropes.

The Kaiser: For you and I are past our dancing days.

Bouncing back from the ropes, The Kaiser levels McDeath with an elbow to the head. McDeath goes down. The Kaiser drops on him.

The Kaiser: Do you think I am easier to be played on than a pipe?

Referee: One….Two….

McDeath throws off The Kaiser leveling repeated blows to his head. Stunned, The Kaiser stumbles about the ring. (Audience roars, rises to their feet and begin chanting, “McDeath, McDeath” and “Off with his head.”)

McDeath: What a piece of work is man! (McDeath kicks the Kaiser) How noble in reason! (McDeath levels elbow to The Kaiser’s chin) How infinite in faculty! (McDeath head butts The Kaiser) In form and moving how express and admirable! (McDeath knees The Kaiser in the groin) In action how like an angel! (The Kaiser spits blood onto the canvas) In apprehension how like a god! (McDeath pulls out clumps of the Kaiser’s hair) The beauty of the world, the paragon of animals. (The Kaiser still standing is a bloody, sweaty hairy mess)

And with that, McDeath lands a vicious flying kick to The Kaiser’s sternum sending him to the canvas and jumps on him.

Referee: One….Two…..THREE! (Crowd explodes in cheers, throwing chairs, shoes and bottles into the ring)

McDeath: I like this place and willingly could waste my time in it

The Kaiser rising: How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes.

Referee: All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.

Exeunt

Now that’s entertainment!

Cheers and Good Mental Health